The Paradox of the Pyramid
Begin with the end in mind.
Stephen Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)
To Begin with the End in Mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you're going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.
Begin with the End in Mind" is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There's a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.
At the top of Abraham Maslow’s Pyramid of the Hierarchy of Needs sits Self-Actualization, the end point we all strive for.
We often think that self-actualization is the world’s image of success, whether that world be your family, your friends, your peers, your workplace, your community or the media. Those are self-imposed expectations based on other’s conformed ideas of success.
Do we really strive to self-actualize and burst out of the seeds planted in our hearts, nurtured by plowing of the heart through the valleys of hardship, sorrow, and despair polarized by the heights of joy, recognition and pleasure?
But if you begin with self-actualization as the end in mind, you start on your journey to self-reflection, self-discovery and self-awareness.
This is what I started to realize in my 20s and became ever so aware in my 30s. All my years of darkness, hardships, sufferings, trials and tribulations were the cocoon that fostered the seeds deep in my heart to sprout and bear fruit in this world.
The End starts when you have a dream, a vision of what you want to do with your life, no matter how unseemly grand or small your vision may be. You can become that self-actualized person now as you need to first create the mental image of yourself and then the physical creation of yourself will come in due time.
I saw a grand vision, mission, values for myself that were somewhat clear but also somewhat vague. It was hazy but I started to take a step in that general direction. I have a much clearer vision and mission of my life now as I reflect on my many foolish missteps and mistakes.
The 3 Models of Self-Actualization
I realized I only have a relatively short time on this earth. How could I live and fulfill my dreams? So I asked, I searched, I knocked diligently upon this question for decades. I have read and been inspired by these three powerful models and contemplated how I could apply them in my heart and in my actions.
Maslow: Self-Actualization Through Growth
What a man can be, he must be.
Abraham Maslow
At the bottom of the pyramid, Maslow postulated that you need to fulfill your basic needs in succession, like food, safety, love and belonging, esteem before self-actualization. But later, Maslow revised his model when he realized that self-actualizing people often grow before their lower needs are fully met. Why is this?
How many stories have you heard of those without such basic needs rise up and grow up despite those deficiencies to do things that seemed unlikely or even impossible?
They saw a vision or a mission of who they could become in that moment they stepped forward into that void between lack and fullness. A purpose beyond just themselves. A vision of how they could transform themselves, like the caterpillar embracing its own cocoon to later emerge as the butterfly.
Your Hero’s Journey: Self-Actualization Through Trials
The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.
Joseph Campbell
In his book, “The Hero with a Thousand Faces” written in 1949, Joseph Campbell inspired George Lucas to write the trilogy Star Wars. Campbell saw that the principles of life in religion, myths and legends all had a common journey for the Hero.
He outlined 12 Stages of a Hero’s Journey, which can further be simplified to 3 broader Stages. He saw these as the transformation of the ordinary person into that extraordinary hero.
The Call - an invitation in your ordinary world calling you on a journey
The Trial - crossing the threshold into a new world of uncertainty, loss and fear
The Return - wisdom brought to others as you have a transformation from the inside out
Self-actualization does not happen in your ordinary life. It’s when you hear the calling in your heart to cross the threshold into the unknown, into the deep, into that dark cave you fear. Remember Luke Skywalker as he accepts his call to join the Rebels, as he faces Darth Vader in Yoda’s World first in a dream and then battles him losing his arm? He had to lose himself spiritually then physically in order to be reborn, resurrected, transformed.
This is the wilderness journey of Moses by himself for 40 years and later with his 600,000+ people from Egypt to Israel together.
This is Jesus’ 40 days of fasting in the wilderness and being tempted three times by the devil in private and then carrying his cross and being crucified to it in public.
Note: You are that hero. Go find your journey.
Viktor Frankl: Self-Actualization Through Meaning
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.
Viktor Frankl
If you have not yet read Frankl’s book, “A Man’s Search For Meaning,” make it one of your top books to read this summer. Frankl details his life in the Holocaust camp and what he saw. He was a psychiatrist, but on his arrival to Auschwitz, he was stripped bare of all that he was, all that he and instead of Dr. Frankl, was given a number for his name.
“I can see beyond the misery of the situation to the potential for discovering a meaning behind it, and thus to turn an apparently meaningless suffering into a genuine human achievement. I am convinced that, in the final analysis, there is no situation that does not contain within it the seed of meaning. To a great extent, this conviction is the basis of Logotherapy.”
Frankl saw that those who had meaning despite the torture, depravity and horror of the concentration camps, increased the chances of one’s survival. So he saw who he would become because of his experience and gave and encouraged others with what little he had in the camp. One morsel of bread daily.
Meaning gave him strength and hope. He believed that each person is the only one who could decide about the meaning of their life and that he has to take responsibility for creating and deciding his own personal unique meaning. S/he can also decide the meaning of a situation individual is the only one to decide about the meaning of their life and that the individual has to take responsibility for creating and deciding its unique meaning. The ability to decide the meaning of a situation has the power to create a positive outcome from the worst of situations. The worse the situation, the more profound the meaning and personal transformation.
How to Start Self-Actualizing Now
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Aspire Your Full Potential now
Write out your Self-actualization Identity Statement:
I am a person who is _________ (write out at least 3 or more things you aspire to be and do).Tape it to your bathroom mirror or by your bedside to read each morning and evening. Memorize it.
Align With Your Full Identity
Think and Act from this identity today
Don’t wait until you are ready or confident.
Start with one thought and action that reflects who you are actualizing.
Actualize
Notice in the word actualize is the word act.
Thoughts become actions. Actions become words. These become your character.
Life Questions:
Answer these questions and write them down.
What identity do I want to start self-actualizing now?
What is preventing me or constraining me from starting now?
Solve that obstacle or constraint
Final Thought
Start today with who you wish to become. Embrace hardship, failures, obstacles, fear and make them the fallowed ground to plant the seeds of your heart.
Dr. Kevin Ham
Next week: Back to How to be Self-Transcendent: How Serving Others Transforms You to Your Highest Self
See you next Thursday!
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