Resilience is the last step to the gates to success
Failures and breakdowns are inevitable before success appears.
For every startup, each New Year's resolution starts with a vision of hope, promise and goodwill. Yet the journey is fraught with unexpected obstacles, resistance, problems and setbacks. Many times, these truly set us back. Most never start, but of those who do, many give up and set sail for an easier, more fail-safe path.
Fail 7 Times. Proud of 10,000 Failures.
“Fall down seven times. Get back up eight times.” is an apt proverb for life from Japan.
We fall, we get back up. The question is how many times will it take for the purpose we endeavour to realize?
When Edison said on his quest to invent the light bulb, "I have not failed 10,000 times. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." I found this incredible. How many people throughout history could say this in any endeavour? Only those who were determined enough, had enough grit, and a WHY big enough to persevere through that many failures.
I ask myself when have I ever failed 100 times, 1000 times, 10,000 times? When have you?
It does not matter how many times you fall or fail; what matters more is how many times you get back up and figure out how not to fall the same way again, as Edison did.
Through each failure, he learned what didn't work and then tested another way that might lead to the solution. Eventually, he found it. Along the way, he learned the properties of every filament and metal that could later be used for his other inventions. He tested 6,000 plant fibres in his Menlo Park Labs.
How To Be Resilient in the Face of Many Adversities
If life can go on after the death of a loved one, everything else can be overcome.
Dr. Kevin Ham
Seligman’s Explanatory Style: Optimism vs Pessimism
A model for how we explain setbacks and challenges
The most challenging adversity to deal with is the death of a loved one: A parent, a child, a relative, a friend, a mentor, a leader, a coworker. We do not know where, how, why or when this will happen, so we are left with many unanswered questions and unresolved issues to settle with our dearly departed.
When Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, lost her husband, she leaned on Seligman's 3 Ps to be more resilient: Personalized, Pervasive and Permanence to deal with her husband's death.
Personalized: It wasn't her fault. Though she internalized her husband's death and blamed herself, it really wasn't her fault.
Pervasive: It won't ruin all areas of life. Other parts of life were affected but still separate, as she still had joy through her work.
Permanence: It isn't permanent, and things will improve. She thought she would always feel so empty and things would be difficult, but as time passed, she learned how to live with her new reality.
What is the definition of resilience?
"The ability to bounce back from adversity, frustration, and misfortune."
10,000 Kicks to Mastery
On the other side of this coin of resilience is the mindset of mastery (next week's topic).
Bruce Lee, one of the greatest philosophical minds (he was a philosopher) and the greatest martial artist, said, "I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." Once you find the thing you wish to master, keep practicing and improving every day. Over time, you will become a master of that one thing. Then, add another thing that complements and compounds that one thing. Another kick. Another punch. Then, that combination of kicks and punches becomes unstoppable.
My friend, Kim Mijung, now head coach of South Korea's national judo team, won a gold medal in Judo at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics. She had her moves, but the combination of moves that she perfected was almost impossible to defend, even though you knew it was coming. She trained us for two years, but my form wasn't pristine, and my old ways were hard to 'undo.'
Kim Mijung at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics.
What's your one move? Your combination of moves?
I was looking to register a domain for a new idea, and I recognized the company behind the registered domain name. I was astonished at not the domain's price but how many domains this company (aptly named HUGE DOMAINS) had. 4 million domain names for sale. I had known the Reberry brothers when they had just under 10,000 domains. I had once held 300,000 domain names. However, since 2006, they have continued acquiring, refining, and simplifying their business model of selling domain names. To renew a domain name is ~$10 per year. So, with 4 million domain names, that is $40 million in annual renewal costs. They get 4 million visitors per month. Just imagine how many domain names they must sell to cover the renewal costs. Rough math is 40,000 domains (1%) at $3,000 average price = $120 million dollars.
I stopped acquiring domain names in 2007. What would have happened if I had kept at it? But I lost interest in domain names. Instead, I decided to move on to develop domain names into businesses, which is what I am genuinely passionate about: creating businesses that scale.
A Solid Foundation for Life
Life is Built on Dealing and Solving Adversity and Problems.
Dr. Kevin Ham
When you build a house or building, the foundation must be strong. Like the story of the Three Little Pigs, who each built a house of straw, wood, and brick--even the brick house had to have a solid foundation.
But what is the foundation of life?
It's how we overcome each adversity and problem. Pay particular attention to repeating problems in your life. These are the ones to focus on and solve. As you do, they then become the foundation upon which the rest of your life stands. Create solutions and then simplify the philosophical principles underlying those solutions. Then, apply these principles to other areas of your life.
What has been a repeating problem in your life?
I have so many that they pile up. For instance, I love to create but I don't wrap things up tidily. I live in the future, trying to bring it into the present and therefore I'm not always present for my loved ones.
My Weakness Becomes My Foundation
We are weak but you are strong.
Hymn: Jesus Loves Me This I Know
The art of Judo leverages your opponent's strength to make them off balance. If they push, you pull. If they pull, you push. So, a smaller, weaker person can 'throw' a bigger, stronger person using their strengths against them.
In the same way, I often ponder how I can leverage my weaknesses into strengths on my own or with others. My biggest weakness or constraint is my physical body. My hearing isn't excellent, but particularly my right eye is problematic as it has wet macular degeneration. So, I optimize my diet and exercises to target this constraint and prevent my eyesight from being lost. If I lose my eyesight, then what happens to the rest of my life?
I temper my heart by considering a future when I go blind. I draw inspiration from John Milton, who wrote Paradise Lost in his blindness, how Fanny Crosby served the Lord in her blindness, and how Helen Keller lived an amazing life while blind and deaf. I may see better through the "eyes of my heart" without my ocular eyesight. And I wonder what life is telling me when I have the problem of sight and hearing.
Life Question:
What Repeating Problem Must I Solve?
Life teaches you by continually giving you the same problem in different ways through different people.
Dr. Kevin Ham
What is the repeating problem in your closest relationship?
What is the repeating problem in your job or business?
What is the repeating problem in your physical or mental health?
Next week:
How to Master Anything in Life
To master anything, find the master who can teach you. Don’t chase shortcuts.
See you next Thursday!
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